


Loud

by Lord_Tanzanite



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Misophonia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 18:44:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15978212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Tanzanite/pseuds/Lord_Tanzanite
Summary: Most people are maybe annoyed at worst by small sounds like the sound of someone breathing or chewing. Unfortunately for him, Kei is not 'most people'.





	Loud

**Author's Note:**

> This little fic is somewhat of a vent for me. It's of Tsukki having misophonia. For those of you who don't know, misophonia is a disorder where certain sounds (chewing, for example) make you feel intense negative emotions. I don't know how to explain it, really, but I think this article is informative if you want to read it: https://www.allergictosound.com/articles/common-misophonia-misconceptions/

Loud.

That wasn't quite the right word, but Kei couldn't think of any other word that fit.

The sounds that where 'loud', weren't quite loud exactly, just more noticeable than usual. They stood out more.

And sure, maybe that's not a problem for most. Maybe that's something that may just be annoying at worst. But not for Kei. Everything was, for lack of better words, loud. His day had passed by in a blur. He could hardly remember even going to class, let alone what he learned that day. All he could remember was the unbearable sound of pens scratching, of people breathing, of _everything._

And now at afternoon practice, it wasn't exactly getting any better. He'd had a hard enough time breathing when he was just sitting at a desk, let alone now, running around and exercising.

Everything was still too loud. Every squeak of shoes against the floor, every breath, every shout, everything. Everything was so _l_ _oud_ and he didn't know how to handle it. He just wanted to run away, but he couldn't bring himself to do even that. He looked around the gym to try and find something to distract himself, and spotted Yamaguchi glancing over at him worriedly, before looking away quickly when he realised his act of concern was noticed.

Kei let out an almost silent frustrated sigh, that was more like a hiss than anything really, when, once again, there was a loud cheer, presumably when someone did something especially well again. He didn't care what it was, he just wanted it to _stop_. He sat at the wall of the gym, taking a short break and some water, glaring at anyone and anything. The sounds seemed to keep getting louder and louder, even though he knew it was impossible, that's what it _felt_ like.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to scream, shout, cry, to let everyone know that he wasn't okay, but he couldn't. He just, he couldn't gather up enough courage to admit out loud that something was wrong, he couldn't gather up enough courage to even leave, and he hated himself for it. He just wanted to scream _'Shut up!!'_  at everything, but he just sat there, staring at his water bottle with a mixture of anger and blankness.

And then it was too much. He didn't know when it was, what it even was that made him finally draw the line, but suddenly everything was too much. He stood up abruptly, and walked as calmly as he could manage to the door of the gym. He heard the coach call out to him, asking where he was going when practice was still going, but Kei ignored him. He walked slightly faster, and slammed the large metal door behind him to try and get out some of that anger. It only made it worse.

When he was out of the gym, he stood frozen for a single moment, before he ran. He'd never run like that before, not even in practice, but right now he just needed to _get away_. He didn't even know where he was going, his mind and heart racing too fast for him to really register much, and he found himself behind the school, a quiet area that lay in shadow, and was secluded and quiet. He slumped down against the wall silently.

He sat there, staring blankly at scenery for a few moments, before the numbness went away, replaced by pain, and anger, and sadness, and frustration, and rage, and panic, and those words didn't even feel nearly enough to describe the whirlwind that was his mind right then.

 _Why?!_ he screamed in his head, wanting nothing more than to scream it out loud, but no sound would leave him. _Why do I have to be like this? It's just sound! There's nothing wrong! Get it together, for fucks sake. I'm over reacting. I just want to be normal. Why do I have to be like this? What did I do to deserve this? Why can't I be **normal?!**_

At some point Kei was barely even able to tell what his mind was saying, it was all just screaming that he couldn't even make out properly anymore. He curled in on himself slightly, hands hovering over his ears and tears leaking out of his eyes, wanting everything to just be quiet. Birds cheeping somewhere nearby, his own ragged breathing, the sound of his heartbeat, the wind rustling the trees, it was all too loud.

Loud was not the right word, but he didn't know how else to describe it. It was just,

Loud.


End file.
